I think I like Karma alot. coz, in theory I’m a good person, I have good morals and thoughts about how I do things, and well. to tell the truth, I’ve done some shit things in my time, but I’ve had plenty of shit things done to me of late. I’m not sure whether its been karma…but on the other hand, maybe theyre just things I needed to go through to know and learn about myself and the world.

Its quite sad really. but. now that I’m single, and looking more gorgeous every day I must add I look at dudes and wonder how much shit I went through. Like seriously. I would never wish that on anyone. Well. no. I wouldnt. because its just…it sucks to the extreme.

If I think a guy is hot, gorgeous or beautiful, damnit I’m gonna say so. If im interested in someone, most of the time theyre not interested, or they just dont know…lol more than likely theyve got no clue, which works good, coz I’m going off of Kelly’s wonderful plan of having crushes.

Only problem is when they are too close, ie, workmates, flatmates, bestmates, colleagues…hmm. and so yeah. kinda sucks. but its ok. coz its not like I’m looking for anything. In fact the idea of being with anyone scares the shit out of me! haha. Mainly because I put so much effort into the last relationship. four monthsish later, and I’m still healing. I’m gonna have some pretty heavy scars. but. As I said, Karma put it this way I think. You learn what you need to.

Continue Learning!

Now that I’ve learnt all this stuff. I know what I want, and what I well and truly DONT want ever again. and know what is totally unacceptable to put up with. It was an experience and a half! but even though I love Oscar Wilde to bits, I cant seem to agree with him that people say they go through things and then call them experiences, when really theyre mistakes, because. I cant seem to call the last 2 years a mistake. it was an experience. something I needed, something I wanted but didnt really know I wanted. It’s not like I was desperately craving a relationship at the time. It was my first, but definately not going to be my only, because if it had been, that would have been truly sad to only have ever to be loved by him.

I cared so much for him. Truly did. and well. now its all ka-poof and I’m better for it.

I’m strong, and I’m graduating in a few months. Its all very exciting I’m doing much better, look much healthier and beautiful and am taking care of myself now, which I never did before coz I looked after him.

Now that I know what it takes to love someone, and how much effort I put in, in comparison to what he did, which made me feel like it was equal coz I was putting heaps of effort in, which obviously means that it was balanced…NOT.

anyways. apart from all those dramas. I’m finally happy. On my own. and hopefully, one day, karma, and me will happen to find an amazing guy who will treat me well, and give me the love and respect I deserve.  As I said, I know what I want now. and what I definately DONT want. so from here on out, I’m sorry If I dont seem interested, If I flirt an nothing comes of it, I’m enjoying being single, and I’m living my life. I’m not just a spectator anymore, and this is how it should have been all along. Enjoying my own time and space and living happily with the knowledge that at any time I can do what I want and just be myself, without having to worry about someone else. its selfish, but it’s what I’ve learnt.

All those people craving love and relationships, should look inside themselves and find the person that they most want to be, and aspire to the highest point they can and be happy with themselves and love themselves unconditionally before loving someone else.

theres my spiel over and done with. xoxox allie

and plus.someone shuld just ive me a whole lot of money so I can pay all my bills!