So …I made it. One prac to go and two papers for honours, and then my uni career is over and done with! at least til I want to do masters 
But. Everything is well and good. life is good. stressfree except for a couple of things but they will never change and thats ok.
I’ve made my peace with some things. and other things I spose will just take more time. Anyway, thats all from me at the moment..Need to save some wonderful summing up comments for my real journal 
yours always,
Allie
so far…things are good. there are new challenges. new love, new times with amazing people.
teaching was fun. still would be fun, I just want/need more support.
family is swell. trav had his back operation, and hes all straightened out now
have had a fair amount of rants on facebook. same old thing really. why the world sucks, shocked that it sucks so much, friends sucking even more sometimes, and other friends being so totally amazing. and then u have the most amazing guy, who isnt really in the right place. and u love being with him, he makes u smile and ever so happy.
teaching. argh. not too long now as long as i keep my act together. :s
am looking forward to xmas
he bought me something amazing. and omg. he can sew. love
and i bought new boots, but they didnt fit, so gave them to bex and she bought me some new ones. which are freaking awesome
sleepover with railz and rosie this weekend. super psyched
and thats about me
Allie
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. Not going to do any long winded sad sop things, as I have done previously, and definately have done so in old blogs, but feel like I should keep writing in my diary Like I ave been lately, and will keep that sad sop stuff there.
Just a few realizatons, or rather, wonderings…
Do boys become broken hearted? Are they affected in the same way as girls? Do they feel sad when a relationship ends, or are they all truly so BOYISH that they go off on their next scoping session…to find their next girl they exploit? and take advantage off?
What I’m getting at I suppose, is that… It’s nearly been a whole year since I became single. lol. and. I still dont feel the urge to find someone and be mated for life, like I had been..before. with him. but. anyway. what I’m getting at I suppose, is that…I wonder whether guys feel the same as girls do…well most girls I know anyway…who dont just run off into the sunset with the next guy straight after theyve broken up with someone else.
A friend of mine recently found out that her ex has a new girlfriend …which is traumatic and sad enough… but it hasnt been that long. and its a difficult topic. but as I said…do boys feel obligated? not to go out with someone straightaway? I know for certain that there are a lot of girls and guys especially who just look for the next person to conquer…their quest in life I guess, pretty sad if you ask me. but still…people do that.
My nan always says that she would feel horrible walking down the street and seeing all the people shed slept with if she was “one of those girls”…which I’m proud to say she never was. And, I’m proud to say that I’m not one of them either. I’m all for womens liberation and freedom and womens rights etc… but. I just think its a bit tacky, like my nan does, to walk down the street, and being able to see and count those you’ve been with. it kind of makes u sick.
but anyway. that was just a whole big ramble, but I do feel a whole lot better now having said all of that!
yours
Allie
Alex
yup
and seriously… it does help
take some time off and just be you
u dont need the alcs
see now that i have ad that break… i know who i am with the alcs and without and im comfortable being those two people as long as i dont do something stupid
kinda…i think he’s just managing or taken over the previous lot of people who were our property managers.
its confusing and we dont trust them…
anyway. it now feels like we have to learn to re-trust these new people… who are supposedly looking out for us, but ultimately justtrying to get better revenue for the owners of this beautiful house. (you know, itd be pretty funny if this house was owned by the snotty old lady who hates us next door)
anyway.. the whole point of this blog was just to say this…
that it feels like we’ve been through having a shit boyfriend, dont trust boys(landlords ) anymore as a result and so its like they are the old boyfriend, and this new flash guy comes strolling in, and he is supposedly going to sort everything out like superman, we have to trust him eventually, as if he is the new boyfriend, in which we have to deal with our trust and heart broken feelings, and this is where I end my boyfriend ananlogy.
all we want is to live here, happily. and be happy peaceful enjoyment damnit, and that does NOT mean you get to walk in and out of our house without our knowledge!
Continue reading
I have just learnt…
That no matter how safe you make yourself, you can always get hurt…much more hurt by and from the ones you love and who care for you and looked after you during the…probably…worst time in your life.
I will not succumb. I will not let this hurt me. I am strong.
But it hurts, not quite a punch in the gut…but..it hurts.
its sly, betrayal. it hurts more because you dont expect it. you’d never expect it from someone who has that exact thing happen to them so often.
but, I am also realising, that those people who you would never expect it from are more likely to do so.
Simply put, you can’t trust anyone. I don’t want to push myself away from everyone…but, I tried so hard so far to build trust in people again. maybe thats the problem, I shouldnt expect anything better from anyone, because as it is, people don’t prove or at least haven’t proved to me in the past that they can do better and are better. All that I have ever recieved from anyone is betrayal, actions which caused me to be jealous, malicious lies, abusive words and physical abuse, sly horrible decietfulness… among other….bull.
No-one has ever shown me that there is truthfulness, honesty and true care and love and friendship in the world… sure, everyone makes mistakes, thats an excuse in itself. maybe im not the best person myself…but at least I always try my damned hardest to be honest and truthful and well…myself. I try not to be deceitful…
Every time I get close to being happy, and everything being perfect…or at least really good…something bad happens which makes me feel like tearing it all down and starting again.
Its that horrible feeling when you know that all that has been before, means nothing. and whether you forgive that person or not… you have to start from the beginning again
this time tho. i dont know. im so sick of being told things are going to happen and then they change. im not going to be nice anymore…no-one ever repays the favour. and if they do well… i dont know..it just doesnt feel the same
maybe its best if I am on my own. seeing those couples made me sick tonight, because I know that’s how we used to be..hugging and touching and being close. and after all is said and done, what does it matter…eventually you’re back on your own again…one step after the other…being yourself, living your own life.. i dont want to give up on people and on love…but seriously…got so much more out of talking and patting that cat last night..
i dont want to be destined to be alone..i want to be loved, i want to be happy..of course I do…that used to be the only thing i wanted…then i realised to be happy i just had to be happy…by being happy.
and as it is, im ok with not having anyone. I would love to have kids. I really would. I want so much to be able to be a mum, but for now being an aunty is ok…
she is the only one who has ever talked to me about talking to someone about me, as in…ive got a mate u might like…etc. shes a good girl. shes strong. shes funny and i trust her, though i ont want to trust her because I dont want to get hurt. and getting hurt hurts 
for now, I have work to do…lots of reading…im gonna be strong and happy…and alone for now, because love will find me, one way or another, in time…i must have faith in that at least.
allie xxoxoxx
Wanted: a man who is good looking, has great personality, likes records and a variety of music, can play guitar and dance really good, is humble about his achievements, can deal with ants by not killing them, loves me for my odd beliefs and for the weird things I do, who gets on well with my Steven, and who doesnt hate my family… who wont hurt me and who wont betray and be mean to me, but someone who will be funny and slightly sarcastic and who is a good cook and can hold his drink down without being a dick, and someone who wont be scared of me succeeding and earning money and who loves kids, even when they’re annoying. This applicant should apply to me as soon as possible before I get too old and give up on the idea of love! hehe. though, I’m sure that wont be for a while…*hopes*
yuss!! am so super stoked and happy. my god. so much hard work has paid off… now to finish this semester with a bang…relax for a bit then get right back into it. so super excited
after a talk with kyro yesterday…I feel even more pissed off when I see mums not looking after their kids. coz dads can leave… but mums HAVE to stay and look after the baby… some of u will be angry with me but get over it.
to be honest, it really annoys me when people have babies…dont really want them…resent them… and keep partying as if theyve never had a kid.
seriously. if u didnt want responisbility keep your freaking legs closed. argh. there are so many people who want babies and who would take care of them… you people seriously make me sick.
and whats more… those young mums … god. having a baby means that you look after it…not the baby having to look after you while you’re in a drunken stupor. and if u dont know what stupor is…then go back to freaking school
Now. I normally dont have too much of a problem with young mums… in fact a lot of my mates are. but with some of them, ive seen how they look at their kids. and its really sad. I’m just so sick of seeing disgusting young parents getting on the piss and boasting about it like young kids tend to do… and yet they have a kid to look after.
seriously if you dont actually want your kid. god that makes me sooo angry. know so many people who are actually ready for kids, who want them so badly, and trying really hard… but they cant seem to. and its sad because there are so many people out there who mistreat their kids.
and if anyones gonna bitch about parents needing their time out too.. well obviously. but god. if ur gonna get drunk with ur mates, seriously… dont do it so often that people start wondering where you’ve chucked your kid.
or start rumours that your a terrible mother. or father. seriously. grow up and take responsibility… or keep your freaking legs closed.
that is all.