Thankyou guys for all your comments. Can’t really believe that anyones reading these let alone actually commenting on them hahaha..
but yeah. I am awesome. thankyou 
I am in deep. pretty deep. gotta sort some stuff out and get organised. gotta start work and get into classes and ring students. maybe once i do that I’ll be in a better routine and then…jeez. gotta pay rent somehow argh!
allie. haha
If I’m going to write histories…I can’t be PC. I just have to go hard and say whatever i want..well kind of.
Just thought that coz I started reading Ranginui Walker again.. and him, jamie belich and MK always write what they have on their mind at the time…and I guess I should be brash.
Really enjoyed my class today…new opportunities coming my way. Yay life haha.
New Flatmate, new honours classes, new ideas.
I really can’t wait to start the next semester. Theres going to be so many new oppourtunities coming my way. So why shouldnt I be excited?
Ed Byrne.
Am allowed to remember good memories. and I’m allowed to be sad about whats happened over the past few years. Its ok. But, I need to move on. and be happy. on my own terms.
xoxoxox
So, I was going to start this whole post off with my plans for tomorrow. But, as it turns out, I started reading majulahsingapura’s blog and it was pretty awesome. So, I commented, and we shall see what she decides to do.
Reading it though..and after I made my comment, gave me some sort of new breath, or new idea, or new something. new life maybe? I’m moving on. I’m going to be happy, this much I know already. So far, I thought I was doing pretty well. I was coping with everything quite well to be honest. and then. somehow. after the dramas of this weekend. feel “pretty darn hard done by” and I want to make amends. I want to grow old with my favourite people. I want to live my life the way I want to live it, and for once do it my way.
I will no longer put up with people “shitting on me” as mum says, which she means not to let people walk over you or treat you badly… and to be honest. its about time I stood up for myself… after telling majulahsingapura to do it. well. I should do it myself.
No more worrying about things that happened in the past. It cant hurt me anymore. It can only hurt me if I let it. And I really dont wanna feel that pain anymore. It hurts too much. I want to live stress-free, something which I feel I am going to be constantly in and out of battles with. It doesnt seem that easy.
I want to have my own house, be my own landlord. I’m sick of this shitty landlord. This is the first time I’ve ever really had a bad one. I’ve had really good ones, concerned ones, ones who dont care and just leave us alone to do our own thing, but never a bad one. Maybe I’ve been lucky so far.
Haha. Yeah right. Anyway.
I figure that if I want good things to happen in my life I have to do something about it. I cant just sit around hoping that the things I want in life will come my way, because that just doesnt happen. I need to get out there, enjoy life, catch up on what I’ve missed in the past two years, whats been happening, catch up with old friends, meet new ones, enjoy the simple things in life like I used to.
I’ve always been the same me. I realised that the other day. I just never gave myself the opportunity to let me be that person. I like getting up in the morning and turning my radio on. I like listening to crazy music and jumping around in the living room, and if not the living room, then my own room works fine.
I love going for long walks. Especially by myself because at least then I can order my thoughts and think clearly, and I always know Im listening to myself. Its okay to be lonely. well. to be alone sometimes. It’s healthy to a degree. But people are always so near that you cant ever be truly alone…unless you live out in the bush or something…
I miss spending time with my family. I gave it all up for him. and I shouldnt have. He wasnt worth it. I loved him so damn much, and it never really got me anywhere, except with a broken heart.
I’m a little dissapointed that the kids arent coming up these holidays, but that will be ok. I will just chill out with Crystel and hang out on Facebook haha. and get myself organised for a jam packed B semester.
One more week of holidays. So much to organise tomorrow.
I really want to move on. I wont ever get over everything thats happened. Not properly. I’ll always be a little damaged. But damaged goods are still good! In fact, theyre most porbably better, because we know how to deal with bad situations, and often have good advice, because we’ve been there.
Life can continue happily. With goals, and plans and new happy choices.
I’m proud of myself. I made it through the semester. and I did it all by myself. I’m really very proud of myself. I graduate in October and am starting my honours in a week. Seems like every time something life changing happens I start a new blog. Thats interesting!
Love always. xoxoxoxoxoxox
allie
Does every great musician have a favourite place where they make up their lyrics? I know I do. For Sure. It’s always been the same place, ever since I was little. It comes at any given moment, these lyrical thoughts.. but, usually when I’m going for a walk, or in the shower… well. whenever im in the bathroo to be honest. my best music…well. to be completely honest… comes from when I have nothing else to do but sit and think and … usually make awesome lyrics. sometimes they aren’t that great, but they are definately interesting.
At the moment, I’m getting back into my guitar… and playing with the capo steven gave me is really cool now that I know what I’m doing.
I woke up this morning, not in my own bed, well, it used to be mine until I moved out. It’s now my little sister’s. Anyway. I woke up, and heard Mum going nuts bout the cat. Yeah. well. it was pretty gross. fair enough, stupid cat.
I woke up again, later…to a phone call from the Wananga asking me about enrolling for August.. and then…tried to remember my dream. It made me think alot.. I really don’t want to think about them anymore. They’ve done the most horrible terrible thing to me. The one thing I never thought they would do. He’d already hurt me so much and I never thought that he would stoop as low as that. So. No more thinking about it. Because it only brings me more pain. and its sad. truly. you’d never expect your best friend of four years to do that. hmm
anyway. I’m moving ahead. Moving on. Pushing through all this junk and moving on with my life. There’s lots of new doors already opening up for me. and it makes me happy. So for now. I’m going to go see my Gran…and talk to her. Ciao! :)hehe
Coz its not a secret. I live with it everyday… Force myself to deal with it coz I cant keep trying to run away from it.
It’s like I’m still trying to protect him. He shouldn’t be protected from that.
Sure. At some point I need to get past it, and realize that its in the past, but…I cant stop thinking… When its wrong its wrong…no matter how drunk you are. You just dont do that.
hmmm. something to ponder at least
Can I just reiterate how awesome it is that New Zealand has its own blogging site? Its pretty awesome
Never used to have much choice in where to blog… but wow! Am so proud of NZ. thats sooo cool
Who am I to say whats wrong or whats right. all I know is what I do myself, and am the only judge for what I do and who I am. If you dont like it? Well. Dont copy me. Dont use me as an example and dont pretend you think I’m awesome.
This is something I said on Facebook a little while ago. Thought I’d add it here too.
just had a very interesting realization. and. u know what? doesnt matter how drunk i get…i still know what im doing and what is right and what is wrong. theres no reason to try drink myself off/under the table to see if the moral line blurs…coz i know it wont. theres some things you just dont do if you have morals…u know? like seriously. glad i realized that. a very good step.
I have another blog. but maybe its time I moved on from that too? I’m growing up. Right now. this is ok. I’m so proud of our little country. We have a blogging site. wow
pretty damn cool really.
Hello World!
My name is Allie. So far in my life, I’ve let other people run it…or at the very least tell me what I should be doing.
This is part of my stand to take back my life. I want to be in control again. I’m relearning so many new things about myself and whats incredibly cool is that I like the person I am right now. I havent done anything wrong and I’m growing as a person, and accepting and acknowledging who I was, and whats affected me in the past.
This is a blog for my realizations as I move on with my life, learn who I am and who I want to be.
Love always,
Allie