Tag Archives: family

I have a degree..woah.

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so I finally realised today, that I have a degree. not quite in my hands, but I have graduation next month. this is scary,

  1. because that means people will think im a real “qualified” historian/english academic now
  2. I’ll have to do something with it
  3. It’s taken a lot to get me here
  4. I’m proud of myself
  5. My family is proud of me
  6. I will be able to give back to the community and to my whanau and my iwi

Its important that I’ve realised. because now that I have, I can look forward to the future

a few things to remember from the maori graduates conference from the past two days, (which was amazing by the way! we have some real talent at waikato uni)

  • you will never be clever. you will only ever be a learner all your life
  • once your mind has been stretched it cant go back to being ignorant and small again
  • pro-vice maori office are freaking mean organisers
  • everyone needs to have a vision of what they want for their work, life and their whanau and then the world
  • everyone needs to try to the best of their ability
  • everyone needs to give back.

I’m more passionate about studying now. i wish I’d been allowed to go to those things when I was an under-grad.

I’m growing up. times are changing, some things stay the same, but ultimately, things are good and things are going really well.

 

oh and ambers party went off and we had ANOTHER wicked time in town…perhaps i shouldnt have mixed so much of those wines. but thats the first time since i started drinking again that i had a yuck feeling, just from being sick a little. but thats my own fault, no-one elses really.

and made a good some up today walking home… its got lots of …and you! … and… and i said… and i say…. things like that :) hehe

 

allie xoxox

Workload

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Normally, I leave everything til the last minute possible. For once..I’m actually trying to stay on top of it.

I got an A- for my presentation. yup. I so did. maybe this whole honours thing is really letting me spread my wings, away from all the annoying talkative people in my old history and english classes, and actually forcing me to think myself, be put on the spot and say the things I actually think.

Now dont get me wrong, this is pretty scary. But its good. I’m really enjoying being part of a collective, a smaller group of actual academics…and I’m actually thinking bout doing a masters topic. which is really scary…but scary in different ways. Actually having a research topic idea…now that i can work on all year next year…as I’m still planning on doing teaching next year…thats if they want me.

I love my class. All my classes. Maybe thats why I’m enjoying it so much, coz I’m actually really passionate about what I’m learning.

It does scare me a little though. Like when I went back to my old school, and these kids asked me this really random out-of the blue question…expecting it to be answered… sure. I’m the academic now, so surely I have a whole heap of answers…

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Moving On.

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So, I was going to start this whole post off with my plans for tomorrow. But, as it turns out, I started reading majulahsingapura’s blog and it was pretty awesome. So, I commented, and we shall see what she decides to do.

Reading it though..and after I made my comment, gave me some sort of new breath, or new idea, or new something. new life maybe? I’m moving on. I’m going to be happy, this much I know already. So far, I thought I was doing pretty well. I was coping with everything quite well to be honest. and then. somehow. after the dramas of this weekend. feel “pretty darn hard done by” and I want to make amends. I want to grow old with my favourite people. I want to live my life the way I want to live it, and for once do it my way.

I will no longer put up with people “shitting on me” as mum says, which she means not to let people walk over you or treat you badly… and to be honest. its about time I stood up for myself… after telling majulahsingapura to do it. well. I should do it myself.

No more worrying about things that happened in the past. It cant hurt me anymore. It can only hurt me if I let it. And I really dont wanna feel that pain anymore. It hurts too much. I want to live stress-free, something which I feel I am going to be constantly in and out of battles with. It doesnt seem that easy.

I want to have my own house, be my own landlord. I’m sick of this shitty landlord. This is the first time I’ve ever really had a bad one. I’ve had really good ones, concerned ones, ones who dont care and just leave us alone to do our own thing, but never a bad one. Maybe I’ve been lucky so far.

Haha. Yeah right. Anyway.

I figure that if I want good things to happen in my life I have to do something about it. I cant just sit around hoping that the things I want in life will come my way, because that just doesnt happen. I need to get out there, enjoy life, catch up on what I’ve missed in the past two years, whats been happening, catch up with old friends, meet new ones, enjoy the simple things in life like I used to.

I’ve always been the same me. I realised that the other day. I just never gave myself the opportunity to let me be that person. I like getting up in the morning and turning my radio on. I like listening to crazy music and jumping around in the living room, and if not the living room, then my own room works fine.

I love going for long walks. Especially by myself because at least then I can order my thoughts and think clearly, and I always know Im listening to myself. Its okay to be lonely. well. to be alone sometimes. It’s healthy to a degree. But people are always so near that you cant ever be truly alone…unless you live out in the bush or something…

I miss spending time with my family. I gave it all up for him. and I shouldnt have. He wasnt worth it. I loved him so damn much, and it never really got me anywhere, except with a broken heart.

I’m a little dissapointed that the kids arent coming up these holidays, but that will be ok. I will just chill out with Crystel and hang out on Facebook haha. and get myself organised for a jam packed B semester.

One more week of holidays. So much to organise tomorrow.

  • Have to hand in my applications for the wananga and for Teaching
  • Have to ring Tainui and find out whether they will still take my application
  • Have to ring studylink and finalise details with my student allowance and find out if I get paid on tuesday
  • Have a meeting with Amber and Moira tomorrow at the WSU at 1.30 pm
  • Have to pick sarah and lucy up from the airport at 12.30 am
  • Have to clean my room, the car and the kitchen and lounge and bathroom for crystel to come over on tuesday

I really want to move on. I wont ever get over everything thats happened. Not properly. I’ll always be a little damaged. But damaged goods are still good! In fact, theyre most porbably better, because we know how to deal with bad situations, and often have good advice, because we’ve been there.

Life can continue happily. With goals, and plans and new happy choices.

I’m proud of myself. I made it through the semester. and I did it all by myself. I’m really very proud of myself. I graduate in October and am starting my honours in a week. Seems like every time something life changing happens I start a new blog. Thats interesting!

Love always. xoxoxoxoxoxox

allie :)

Grossness and Making Music

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Does every great musician have a favourite place where they make up their lyrics? I know I do. For Sure. It’s always been the same place, ever since I was little. It comes at any given moment, these lyrical thoughts.. but, usually when I’m going for a walk, or in the shower… well. whenever im in the bathroo to be honest. my best music…well. to be completely honest… comes from when I have nothing else to do but sit and think and … usually make awesome lyrics. sometimes they aren’t that great, but they are definately interesting. :)

At the moment, I’m getting back into my guitar… and playing with the capo steven gave me is really cool now that I know what I’m doing.

I woke up this morning, not in my own bed, well, it used to be mine until I moved out. It’s now my little sister’s. Anyway. I woke up, and heard Mum going nuts bout the cat. Yeah. well. it was pretty gross. fair enough, stupid cat.

I woke up again, later…to a phone call from the Wananga asking me about enrolling for August.. and then…tried to remember my dream. It made me think alot.. I really don’t want to think about them anymore. They’ve done the most horrible terrible thing to me. The one thing I never thought they would do. He’d already hurt me so much and I never thought that he would stoop as low as that. So. No more thinking about it. Because it only brings me more pain. and its sad. truly. you’d never expect your best friend of four years to do that. hmm
anyway. I’m moving ahead. Moving on. Pushing through all this junk and moving on with my life. There’s lots of new doors already opening up for me. and it makes me happy. So for now. I’m going to go see my Gran…and talk to her. :) Ciao! :)hehe