of him for giving me the love of Quentin Tarantino movies…and showing me his directing styles and getting me excited about tarantino’s brilliance
to him because he got me back into records, and made me more appreciative of how simply awesome they are
to him showing me new music
to him because he opened my eyes(and tastebuds) to different foods
because he helped me open my eyes up to different people and to deal with them properly and with more tolerance
of him because he helped me realise it was ok to be sad when I’m sad…and that it wasnt my fault grandad died
that he was my first love… because even with all the terrible shit he did…he could only have been the person to do so… he was my yang to my ying… my own… my other half to every bad thing and every good thing I or he did.
that I am at this place now. Finally.
It hurt alot. ALOT. and I’m not going to forget what happened. like I said in my last post about ‘the thing’…. well anyway…I said to my friends last night about how stupid the Ant Hater is for thinking I could ever get over ‘the thing’… because of all the reasons I’ve mentioned up above and more that I havent said, How could I really get over him? He was my first true love. And I can never forget the memories…good or bad because theyre there for a reason…and its important to remember because they were special and or traumatic at the time, and they need to be remembered because how else am I meant to move on, live my life and learn from living through all of those experiences? hmm?
I would like to say this is going to be one of the last posts where I talk about him…but its just not that easy or possible to do so.
So as it rains down … on the tin roof…on my car outside… on the garage roof and fence next door… I’m happy because this is a step forward.
Moving on takes freaking guts. and this is what I’m doing…because I couldnt, cant and wont go back to all of that. Nope. I’m happy where I am…as long as the leak in my roof in my room doesnt start dripping down on me again. 
Allie
oh. but I would just like to say that hes an idiot for not going with his mum to the tangi and for not spending any time with her while she was up. ffs. I would have gone with her. shes in pretty much every way possible (coz we were pretty much married in everything that happened and went on) my mother-in-law…and despite all our junk, she was a nice lady and liked me. and cared bout me in her way and we looked after her. so yeah. hes an idiot. its nice to see though that I’m no longer going to be looked at for being the one making him do that…. haha. so thats kinda funny.